


Reasons

by timedork



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: dark doctor, i guess?? idk what this is, wrote a thing without mentioning 13s collarbones woo go me!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-18
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:45:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18503950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timedork/pseuds/timedork
Summary: She has a duty of care, but it's not the only thing that keeps her going.





	Reasons

**Author's Note:**

> maybe one day i'll post something at a reasonable hour but today is not that day!!
> 
> as you've probably already noticed there's a thirteenth doctor fanzine coming out soon (check them out at thirteenfanzine on tumblr) involving some of the amazing writers in this fandom, and they've started doing writing prompts! this week's was "duty of care". (i Tried, okay???)

_I have a duty of care._

How does that Earth quote go? Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action and the architect of accomplishment, or something to that effect. She figures that if she tells herself enough times, reminds herself that it’s her duty, she might just start to believe that it’s the only thing that keeps her going, keeps her doing this – going from planet to planet, time period to time period, civilisation to civilisation, sorting out fair play and righting the wrongs caused by those who seek to hurt or gain.

Besides, it’s not like anyone else has stepped up to the plate.

It’s the main thing that motivates her, she tells herself. It’s kindness, it’s the jubilation of hostages reunited with their loved ones after seven months of captivity; it’s the sheer overwhelming relief of a ship’s crew and passengers when the bomb smuggled into the hold is defused with seconds to spare; it’s the handshake between two leaders of warring factions that have finally made peace after a century of bloodshed.

But right now, tucked away in a dark corner of the library in the depths of night, a massive tome about the history of the Six Moons of Jhyura balancing on her knee unopened and without her fam around to distract her from her thoughts, she’s forced to confront the truth. That it’s not the only reason.

She enjoys it, she _relishes_ it, seeing those who seek to harm others get what they deserve. And she cannot deny it to herself any longer, not after today, not now, with the memories of the rush and the exhilaration she felt when that Dalek backed away from her in fear so clear in her mind it’s almost like she’s right back in that warehouse.

And she knows, deep down, that she’s always been aware of this on some level. It’s no coincidence that her gang are never around to see the cruel enjoyment that curls her lip whenever she smiles at the villain. Oh, it’s not a lie when she says she sends them away for their own safety, but there are selfish reasons too. She wants them to see the sanitised version of her, a figure that’s a whimsical cosmic wizard with a rainbow-lined coat and a police box. Not the monster that gives alien psychopaths nightmares.

Maybe that’s part of her duty of care to them, letting them walk around with their rose-tinted glasses on. Especially Ryan, who’s already experienced so much disappointment in his short life.

She sighs, drumming her fingers on the cover of the book. She allows herself a moment to remember the Dalek’s terror as it recoiled from her, unable to stop herself from smiling again, although this time it’s closed-lipped with there no villain around to bare her teeth at.

She stands up, slides the book back into its space on the shelf, and heads back to the console room, ready to send them all on their way to their next adventure.

Somewhere, out there, there are children crying. Somewhere, out there, there are regimes that need toppling, revolutions igniting, people rescuing, and bad guys taking down a peg or two. And she’ll be the one to do it.

She has a duty of care to the universe, after all.


End file.
